leap high

you are purposefully taking part in this framework that you have designed and then jumped into.  historically, you have not been able to leap from one square in it to another without taking all the steps in between; it has been slow going.  but now as you begin to touch more and more into the template level of yourself, vibrationally speaking, you Can make larger jumps, and without losing yourself.  but this requires that you integrate the Whole of your experience with each movement to another platform.  as your energy is different/shifted from that ‘place’ in time, you will then notice other platforms that you could not see from where you were before.  and this facilitates rapid movement.

skipping the small steps means the scenery is Much different with each movement.  rapid movement IS possible, but to do so requires something of you.  clear intent, a relaxed attitude about what you experience on a day to day basis, an allowance of flow (one thing into another without energy dams).  each platform brings new vistas of experience, and changes everything. 

so no, you do not have to be stuck in the mode of mundane small steps at a time, and experience the sense that you are not really getting anywhere.  you are Exactly where you want to be, as you went into this lifetime with full knowledge of the framework, and the implications thereof.   enjoy, and leap high.

allowing ourselves to be used, or not.

further explorations on the Manipulation theme. 

as usual, a series of seemingly random events led me to thinking about this.

a friend posted about an earthwide meditation for peace, to be held on a certain day, at a certain time.   i get lots of these.  when i ‘sign up’, they usually want my email address, to send me ‘updates’.  there’s usually a few pics of some of the high-rollers in the new age feel-good (and sell stuff) game, an invitation to a seminar, retreat, whatever, that cost Money, and related websites and books for sale on a sidebar.  

this latest one made me think... aren’t i a beacon for peace already, just by my life, by the way i choose to live, in every moment, and not just at a particular time?  reminds me of going to church on sunday to be spiritual for an hour, and cursing the neighbors the rest of the week.  who needs it?  advertisers maybe.  trend followers, maybe.   not to discount the power of bubble realities, compiled energy, beliefs entrainment.  but when i read someone (ANYone) being referred to as the midwife of mother gaia... huh??  who am i then?  a lesser being who needs more powerful beings to tell me what to do and when?  isn’t this just a continuation of the old paradigm, just in new clothes?  dressed up to appeal to well-researched memes and themes and market trends?

i believe that i am birthing my own reality, my own version of mother earth, in every single moment point.  i don’t have to wait until saturday.  and furthermore,  i trust what i am doing.  do i really believe that?  i do.

thinking about this synched in nicely with another thing going on recently. won’t waste time with details about how i got there, but a couple days ago, i ended up on a website where you register, answer some questions, take a test, and if you are someone they want, they ‘hire’ you to make predictions about the future.  the name of the organization is something that, by design i’m sure, is unlikely to raise any red flags.  the idea of predicting the future intrigued me, because i know that the future is inherent in the present moment.  that what we are putting out there in the electrical field/seth’s framework 2, IS our future.  and it fluctuates with every in and out breath.  there is no Future, as in sitting around with a crystal ball trying to ‘see’ it.  we are making it as a part of the Now moment, which is all there ever is.  so what are we making?  i was thinking that by putting forth possibilities publicly i might be able to contribute on a larger scale to Peace on Earth (now).   so i jumped through their hoops, and checked back periodically for a response.  next morning, it was in my inbox.  

two of them actually; a ‘welcome to our program’ and a details, how it all works, etc one.   being the naturally curious person that i am, before i even ‘checked in’ as i was instructed to do, i followed the email trail to try to find out who was behind the benign-sounding ‘predictive research’ group.  turns out there were alot of big corporate names/logos involved, and they are clients of this ‘trend prediction’ service (inkling is the name of it, which btw was not stated anywhere in the emails themselves).  digging around, i read a blog entry from someone who was involved in data collection (the data to be sold to the corporations, the data i would be contributing to).  it spoke about how to get people to do what you want, how to get them to do your bidding for free.  psychological manipulations they had experimented with, and the results.  not just in the marketplace and the usual media avenues, but school teachers, employees, social media.  facebook (guess that’s the one that stood out for me because i participate there).  

on the one hand i’m thinking... geez, how can we be such unthinking obedient little creatures?  they Do know how to manipulate us, and so Easily!  even the ‘test’ i took to get to participate, which seemed to me was designed to weed out people who ‘shot from the hip’ (the first answer, the obvious answer, was not the correct one; all the questions had that in common).  i felt pretty smart, thinking that i’d completed it correctly, and then getting ‘chosen’.  made me feel kinda like an insider, a caller of the game instead of just a participant.  ha!  

but on the other hand, some things i read there intrigued me.  it was an interesting exploration.  there was a link to ‘kiip’, which i hadn’t heard of.  its a system where they give ‘rewards’ (kinda like internet dollars) for ‘achievements’ such as completing profiles, posting data, etc. etc, on websites that carry their adverts.   something like this, in various forms, is already out there.  where they gently push people into a psychological investment in the website.  like on reddit where posts are voted up or down and the number of upvotes one gets is somehow Important.  in the commenters section of news and other types of organizations, where the people that post alot of stuff achieve some kind of status symbol by their monikers.  the trend now is to ‘reward’ people for participation by giving them coupons and money off products sold by the stores that are owned by these larger corporations who are paying for this trend prediction data. 

they want to know what the thinkers are thinking so that they can attach an ad to it.  and what better way to get maximum exposure than to make them feel invested in the place (virtual in this case) where they hawk their wares, apt to return again and again.  

there was talk of ‘front loading’ the rewards, then taking them away if they didn’t produce (achieve the desired results), as a way of making people feel more invested.  instead of earning it, they were given it and then threatened with its withdrawal.  it was said that studies showed this to be a superior method of motivation.  hummn...  make up a game, and figure out how to make people believe that they Have to play.  interesting to me how hardwired we can be, as a species, to react in predictable ways to specific stimuli. 

the take-away for me is that i need to be Very Conscious of how and where i direct my time and attention.   am i developing my Own intent, or mindlessly/blindingly helping someone else develop theirs.  

tools of the trade

the following thoughts were spawned from reading in seth early sessions books about the electrical reality behind physical manifestations.

we tend to think of emotion and mental activity/thought as being two different phenomena, but we know that there is no line separating the two parts of us (our emotional selves and our intellectual selves).  we are one homogenous being of course, One action.  but that action is composed of an infinity of varying intensities of probable actions.  could emotion and thought be differing ways of manipulating Action, which really i suppose just means Taking action (change and movement).  different ways of absorbing/integrating Action into our physical selves.  action that is already going on behind the scenes, in framework 2, with the physical manifestation of it being the last ‘step’, sts.  

could emotion and intellect be just different filters overlaying action (with neither being superior or inferior to the other), used in different combinations by various beings to “color” reality.  bashar said something about emotion being in a higher frequency range than intellect (which does Not equate to better), and if all action is just varying intensities of electrical reality, then emotion and intellect could be just tools of the/our (earth beings) trade, applied to action to color it for the pleasure of the artist. 

singing in the shower

you know how cool ideas, like poems or songs, or sudden insights just come to you spontaneously in the shower?  well today i was listening to wendy kennedy (ninth dimensional pleiadian collective) and got an idea about why this (shower thing) is so.  she was talking about how when we are contracted in fear, or worry, or lower-frequency states, our energetic bandwidths actually Are smaller, denser, narrower.   when we’re happy, smiling, content, comfortable, we are actually Wider, our bandwidth spreads out up to 6 ft.  when we’re scared or in a lower vibrational state, we can contract our field to only an inch or so wide.  very little can get in, can reach us, when we’re in such a state.  but when joyful, lots can get in.  this makes so much sense to me.  when i’ve been in my darkest times, i’ve felt abandoned by Everyone and Everything, totally alone.  now i can understand that i was never alone, i just couldn’t connect with higher vibrational aspects when i was so narrowly focused in fear.  

i Love the water!   love to feel warm water flowing down my back and belly (or cool water in the hot weather).  unless something Really heavy is on my mind, being in the shower is like taking a sanity break, a happy break.  its no wonder new poems come to me, new ideas, and new solutions to everyday little concerns that i hadn’t thought about before.  

i Get this.. that we are constantly fluctuating our bandwidth, as we go about our day, encountering and responding to the reality we create in our dreams (framework 2).   responding with fear or worry makes it less likely that we will be open to a creative development coming from our imagination (which is our connection to higher self).  but responding with love and trust opens us up to the rest of ourselves :)

ha Bit!

woke with the thought this morning:  be fully in the moment, don’t prejudge or react from habit.  

i was musing on the cool things about language, how some words just sound like what they mean, when it occurred to me that the word “habit”, the way the ending of it feels in your mouth when you say it, feels like a clamping down, a sudden ending.  and that is what habit does... it ends the possibilities of a moment when you choose without thinking, out of habit.   

but just for that little ‘bit’ of time, ha!  cause every moment is a new choice, will it be habit or something new.  

reality creation, energie configuration, and the game

we’re repeatedly told by friendly unseen entities that we create our own reality.  i’ve taken this to mean that the way we interact with the world, our attitudes and beliefs, determines the reflections we receive back, which we then react to, and so on, creating our life’s circumstances.  its easy to see how we can really dig ourselves in, into patterns of behavior.  which is the intention, i suppose.  so we can have the experience of holding particular thought patterns, and see how those translate into physical reality.  

but here recently, i am reading and hearing the same words as always, but getting something more.  seth says in one of the early sessions books that when we dream, we do not Go anywhere.  the dream scenario we are encountering is composed of the same atoms and molecules that compose the dresser, bed, and rug during waking hours.  we re-configure them to construct dream objects.  he says we are doing the exact same thing when we are awake, configuring our physical surroundings from our own energy.  but in slow motion because we do it within the context of time, so that we can experience the Process of reality creation in minute detail.  

i channeled some information a few months ago in response to my concern about chemtrails.  inner self, or whatever the source is (i’m not sure myself where it comes from; you’d think i’d be, but i’m not), says that we configure the sky with our very own energy, just the way we configure everything else in our environment.  if we believe the chemtrails are there, we see them.  nothing is being done to us.  we are seeing the physical results of our fearful beliefs that we Can be controlled.  (happy to say that there are no more chemtrails in the sky.  i figure an agreement was reached on some level and we are now in the process of cleaning up our earth, which will not take long at all, and everything will be fresh and new again!)

we are born, by choice, into established thought/belief/energy patterns; expecting to be pulled into them like magnets, according to our purposes.  as many people flow their energy into a particular belief/idea, it becomes a stronger and stronger magnet drawing even more people in, and probabilities associated with it become stronger potentials for unfoldment in the physical arena of activity.  the ‘things’ that seem so stable and consistent, year after year, are the things that many many people flow energy into and therefore create en mass.  but that doesn’t mean those things are any more “real” to a particular individual that doesn’t believe in them and therefore doesn’t create them for themselves.  

i recall seth telling the tuesday evening class that there exists a different coffee table for each person in the room, because each person creates their own version of the telepathically agreed-upon idea that there is a coffee table in front of the couch.  Really Getting this explains So Much.  so much.  

couple days ago, i was in the store looking for flipflops to replace  my old ones that suddenly came apart (to add to the list of shoes that have fell apart on my feet... will have to do some more musing on that one.  shoes and window blinds falling apart).  i’m a small thin person and wear a child’s size 2 shoe.  both kids and adult-sized summer shoes were on the same aisle, but were separated into different groups of bins.  i scoured the whole aisle, both sections, and couldn’t find what i was looking for in my size.  then i looked it all over again just to be sure i wasn’t missing something.  nothing.  i meandered around to the next aisle over to pick up some fabric dye for a project i’m working on.  as i walked, the thought popped into my head that that was the same store where i’d found the animal crackers a year or two ago.  in that incident, after looking and looking for some and giving up, i suddenly spotted two boxes of them (i needed two, one for each grandkid that was visiting) sitting on a random shelf out of context with the surrounding items.  the store clerk had expressed surprise when i checked out with them, saying that they haven’t sold those there for years, where did i find them? (these were not old or outdated).   

so i grabbed the box of dye and walked back around through the shoe aisle and headed for the register.  walking by the adult-sized shoes, i then see a whole section full of just the kind of flipflops i was hoping to find, in kid’s sizes, tucked in amongst the adult ones, just the right color, and there was a size 2 right on top!!  i swear they weren’t there before!  i had checked through the adult ones looking for a size 5, because even though that is too big, it would be better than wearing my boots around in 80 degree weather.  so i had looked right there, and those kid’s ones were Not there before!  its not rocket science to figure out that having my inner self remind me of the earlier ‘creating the animal crackers’ incident, tweaked my beliefs so that i could do it again.  of course, i created the whole incident in its entirely, including them not being there before.  

knowing that we do configure energy to reflect our beliefs, on the spot, in the moment, takes it a step beyond law of attraction.  its instantaneous, and that makes sense to me.  if there is no time, if there is just one big spacious present, then nothing Has to wait to unfold ‘in time’, it can just instantly Be.  the idea of time lapses is there to appease our ego, who wants to believe that it will take some ‘time and effort’ to get what we want.  cause that is part of the game, and we scandalize the ego at our own 3D peril.  

this reminds me of a dream experience that happened Years ago,  back in the mid-80’s, but one that is so much a part of my conscious Self that i could never forget it.  i dreamt that there was No Time or Space.  i was like a point of energy, and i never moved, yet paradoxically i was constantly changing.  All experiences came to me as i desired them;  i didn’t move out to meet them, and they didn’t move through space to reach me, because there was no space.  there was only my thoughts, and whatever i was thinking, just was.  Everything was Inside me, there was no outside.  there is a neutralness in this idea, as i’m remembering and expressing it now, that appeals to me. 

i was thinking too of how at random times, the walls and furniture look wavery to me, and the air seems alive.  sometimes i see trails of intense color following motions, like of someone’s arm moving or feet walking.   i’m thinking that all the tripping i did in my youth opened up pathways that allowed my conscious egoic mind to temporarily experience reality creation on the other side of the curtain, sts; and once opened, i sometimes stumble into them again, seeing clues to the game we play in 3D.   

pleiadian channel wendy kennedy said, when answering someone’s question about 2012, that we wouldn’t reveal the secrets of the game to ourselves until we were ready to step out of it, and then it will be like a series of cascading ‘aha’ moments.  in some ways i feel so close to that already.  yet i still exist within routine everyday life.  while i have my moments of insight, and magical things happen Daily, i still do not have a mate, though i want one.  and i wonder what life will be like this time next year, and if i am on the right train.  

what a fucking rollercoaster ride

had a dream last night of putting my mother to bed, upstairs, in a huge old house with lots of dusty old empty rooms, offering to let her use my electric blanket to keep warm.  we had just impulsively purchased the house that day (curiously enough, after having just rented another big house that morning).  then i was walking around in the backyard and discovered that there were Really Tall trees everywhere, blocking the sun.  ugh!!  again!!  recording my dream, i realized it wasn’t my mother i was dreaming about, but symbolically, my motherhood.  that part of me who strives to be the best mom i can be, putting all my focus and energy into making a stable home for my kids.  time to put her to bed.  felt a little bad about leaving her all alone in that big empty house, offering her just the energy (electric blanket) of my understanding to keep her warm.  

that part of my Self is clearly done; and somewhere inside me, it feels like all the surface enthusiasm, light and cheer, is...  Pushed.  i’m tryin a little too hard, where no trying should be happening at all.  “Things” falling away from me, shedding the skin of this persona, faster and faster.  evident especially in material things... don’t care about old photos, cds, books, furniture, giving stuff away and throwing stuff out, right and left.  but also in ideas, pieces of me i used to feel adamant about that now are just neutral ideas i no longer associate myself with (that Does feel lighter!).  

sitting squarely in the middle of the paradoxical being that i am,  seeing both sides of me at once, bringing them together and canceling them out.  no accident that i was born on the summer solstice.  square in the middle of outgoing gemini and homebody cancer.  equal mental and emotional perspectives.  equal feminine and masculine energies.  in a way i feel triumphant.  in another way, i feel unfulfilled, that there is Sooo much more that i could have achieved.  not even achieved in the usual sense, but more like Orchestrated.  but i find myself now feeling like i have to scrounge around for the energy to do anything else, and wonder too if there is any point.  

my usual way of being - which is to touch upon things as they come up and interest me in the moment, but not really delving deep into them - seems lacking in a way, now.  skimming the surface, tasting, but not really indulging.  maybe i’m just hungry.  maybe i’m not getting my hunger satiated here.  maybe i’m just in a weird mood because its cold and rainy and the first day of July.  Most Definitely feel uplifted when i sit on a blanket in the sun!  

it Always (and i’m not one to throw absolutes around frivolously), always amazed me that people could feel lonely with so many huMans on the planet.  guess i just had to experience it for myself.  it is most definitely a Psychological thing.  i have loving relationships with people, family.  but never feel all the way free to express Me.  when i posted earlier about my ET experience, it felt like what i have Imagined it would feel like to come out as gay.  to say something to not only your family but your friends and just random people who may run across your words, something that you know will change their perception of you.  its a little scary in that you risk losing acceptance, risk your Place in the scheme of the life you have built up around your Being.  but to not say it risks Your Self.  so it comes to a point where you Must say it, no matter what.  because the consequences of keeping yourself buried are not acceptable anymore.  so i wrote about just the one experience.  and No One, no one, NO ONE! even commented on it.  makes me realize how sequestered i have become in my own little world of just trying to keep up.  being content with learning new little artistic things and expressing my colorful being in small little ways that are really just little ways i try to keep my spirits high and ignore all the copious bullshit going on in the world.  

i have no idea what will become of me.  that is probably a problem.  as i’m supposed to be forming it in my mind ahead of me and moving into it, like one would move into a new room.  the other day i thought about how the place i’m now living is down, a downward-facing culdesac just like the one i grew up in.  with a creek behind it, granted.  but down.  the One thing i have Always wanted is to live on top of a hill.  some part of me is thinking it is just Not Meant to Be, not in this lifetime.  when i totally, blindly, overlook things, then they proceed to come up on the side of me, with me not seeing them until its too late, then i gotta believe they were meant to be.  sent from some other level of myself because unbeknownst to the wakingly-conscious me, this is what i came here for.  i have a sense that when i stop pushing altogether, when that last little bit of umph! is gone, that will be it.  its a matter of value fulfillment, as seth says.  you will focus here as long as you (your soul, higher self, entity, whatever) are getting something out of it, but not a second longer.  i suppose i can take from that that as long as i continue to wake up in the mornings, there is something here for me to do.  

can’t help but think of britta, who died in her sleep.  geez... don’t really want to end with that thought, but have nothing more to say.

sink in

appreciate and enjoy what you 'have', where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing.  you see what you do as temporary, interim, just for now until you get THERE, but there is no 'there', there's only here.  you really don't get this.  already you move ahead in your mind, thinking of what you will Do with this information!  be still, sink into what now surrounds you.  you still display discomfort with the moment, as if you are somehow leaving yourself 'unguarded' by not skipping around in time, in an attempt to cover all your bases.  all and everything is Now.  there is nothing else.  you will never be anywhere but now.  that still just sounds like words to you.  you haven't really understood, in the necessary Profound way, that there really is only Now.  and it really Doesn't matter what you 'do', what carries you is who you Are, your state of being.  Anxiety is masked Fear. it is really ok to do something that makes you smile, that feels right and good.  don't try so hard to make it 'fit' into some logical spot in your overall affairs.  don't define the framework then try to squeeze yourself in.  do what you do and let the unfoldment of 'you' make it's own borders.  and it will; there will be things you won't even consider doing, because they are not You, and automatically fall outside the natural framework of you.  this way is easy.  from the 'inside out' so to speak.  no effort, and that it how physical life can be... joyous, synchronicitous, effortless.

an ET experience, and parallel timelines

i’ve had several (at least partially recalled) experiences with ets, but this is the one of which i have the most extended conscious recall.  the details of the following account are taken from my bedside dream journal, recorded the morning after it happened (may 12, 2009).   i am leaving out some very personal parts; other than that, what is written is just as it happened.  

i wanted to go to bed earlier that night because i have to get up with (my daughter) so early, but somehow thats easier said than done.  it was 12:10 am when i finally got to bed.  read a little seth (early sessions, bk 3) before turning out the light.  i settled down into the blankets but was still very much conscious and awake when my body started to feel funny, kinda warm and tingly all over.  i’m *quite sure* i was Awake when this all started.  i got that feeling of inevitability i get when the ets are here again (you just Know).  i had my eyes closed because i didn’t want to scare myself by looking.  i thought about how earlier i had been wanting to consciously participate in the experience next time it happened, but thought that if i opened my eyes and actually looked full-on at them, it would scare me too badly and i’d freak out and lose consciousness.  i really Did want to help them, but consciously this time.  i telepathically communicated my thoughts to them, saying that i’d like to see the stars, space, on my way to where ever we were going.  

i recall a scene of being carried upside down, my hair dragging on the wooden floor, getting a real close up view of the dust bunnies and small bits of debris on the floor.  this pissed me off and i was mentally asking/telling them not to drag me that way! those damn little greys, they are like little robots, they really don’t get it.  they don’t understand how humiliating it is to be carried that way.  i think my ire at them took precedence over my fear response.  

a very brief scene of being outside the house, in the yard.  then stars, but it was not very realistic.  at first i was thinking - wow! stars, there’s all the beautiful stars, just like i wanted! - but then i noticed that i was looking down through the stars and seeing the treetops.  the perspective wasn’t right.  another mind trick.

then i was in a room with them, on board their craft.  i got the feeling that we really hadn’t traveled very far.  perhaps still hovering over the treetops, slightly out-of-phase so as not to be seen.  i recall being laid down on a table.  there was a male standing at the foot of the table, wearing no clothes, at least not obvious ones.  i had ever-so-slightly opened my eyes - i wanted to see him, yet not frighten myself enough to cause me to black out.  i did get a good glimpse of him.  he was normal to tall size, not small.  his skin was darkish metal-gray, almost a blue-gray, a steel color.  his face was strong-looking, not angular per se, but squarish and masculine-looking, not round and soft. 

(i am leaving out a portion here, but will take up by saying that by this time, i am phasing in and out of consciousness).  i’m still on the metal table and they were doing something to my nose and mouth.  this part was dream-like in that i was viewing it from the side, as if they were doing this to someone else.  there was a scene where i saw myself over on the side of the room standing, mentally conversing with a group of ets, as if i was one of them, while the me on the table was protesting what they were doing to me.  they tipped the chin up and stuck something up the nose, also did something to my mouth that seemed like they were taking scrapings or samplings.  why are you doing these things to me? i’m mentally asking.  i knew that my discomfort was causing the phasing in and out of consciousness.  i understood that they were allowing me to remain conscious as much as possible, per my request.  i Had agreed to help them - i Wanted to help them.  

i was exchanging thoughts with the steel-gray male, and he said something that disturbed me Greatly.  he said - and i mean mentally, this exchange was all telepathic - that they were doing this so they could come here, to this planet earth, after we were gone.  they were preparing a race of people to live on earth after our demise.  i was Sharply Disturbed at what he said.  what do you mean, ‘after humans are gone’!?   i Love the human race!  

then i was standing beside this et being, on the surface of a brown and lifeless planet.  he had taken me there to show me first hand what we had done, and why they were creating a new race of beings.  this was Not just another idea-image that was put into my head.  i know the difference, just like with the stars and a lot of other times they have wanted me to think something.  there is a very subjective and hard to describe attribute of the mind tricks, but its like there is a psychological, wavering ‘frame’ around the edges of the thought or image they convey to you telepathically, like it is placed ‘on top of’ your natural thoughts, in some way, grafted in.  it may fool me at first, but then i recognize it as a trick.  no, i believe with all my being that i was actually There, taken to a time in our future, or at least a probable future, where the earth was like that.

i knew that mankind had not been kind to this earth!  that we had poisoned things, trashed it, had wars and killed each other.  i thought about how i have a firm conviction that something has to change.  but how much love, hope, compassion, and good there is in the human heart!!!  there are so many people here who have nothing to do with the bad stuff.  the average human is loving and kind.  the human heart is full of love and compassion!  i was aware that i was helping them create a race with the good parts of being human, without the bad.  this is what i wanted to do.  but i was So Sad that there would be no more humans like the ones that are here now.  

after phasing in and out of consciousness a few more times, i phased in back in my bedroom.  it took a few minutes to come all the way back.  i could hear the traffic noise, then i couldn’t, then i could.  i moved in and out of feeling like all was normal and i was just lying in my bed waiting to fall asleep for the night, and a weird state where things were ‘blank’, there was no traffic noise and my body felt very light and tingly.  then it seemed like i had never left my bed, but in a fake way.  i looked at the clock and it was 2:54 am.   it seemed like i had just put down my book, but almost 3 hours had passed.

later that next day, i recalled another scene that i added to my written account.  at some point, i had been trying to pick the brain of this metallic gray male et.  i asked him how to manifest another house of my own (this makes me laugh now).  i was fast and furiously trying to think of questions i wanted answered to take full advantage of the situation.  the et answered something to the effect that it wasn’t within their expertise to advise us on such matters, but to just ‘let it flow’.  he seemed to be in a hurry. 

additional comments.  there are a mixture of beings on the crafts that i recall being on.  in the above experience, the large male et with the metallic-gray skin seemed to be in charge; he was not one of the greys.  the greys seem to be the ‘workforce’, and are annoying in that they don’t seem to understand humans and what is normal human behavior.   i have realized that it is my fear that keeps me from consciously remembering.  to the extent that my curiosity is stronger than my fear, i remember.  but it has always been a jumbled mess of remembered scenes interspersed with blacked-out blocks of time.  

i have felt increasingly compelled to share this particular experience, but really wrangled with the idea of doing it.  on the one hand, it may be construed as perpetuating negativity.  a burned out, lifeless earth is certainly a negative thought.  on the other hand, and my current thinking is, that we need to understand what we are up against.  how very important it IS for us to envision the earth that we want to inhabit.  i fully, with all of my being, believe that this earth that we live on today, is the same earth i was standing on with that et.  but that we are right now creating a new earth, laying down the template for it with our (planetwide) yearnings towards community, equality, and love.  

i have been piecing this together in my heart and in my mind for ages.  we have been given lots of clues.  bashar’s world, essassani, exists IN A DIFFERENT DIMENSION.  the greys come from our FUTURE, where their race is dying and they are creating a new race of beings to carry forth their legacy, so what they have learned and experienced doesn’t die.  i believe the greys are US, having gone underground to live in the so-called fema bunkers, after the surface of this earth gets fried.  in the vid “ufo’s and et’s”, bashar says that the greys came from the future to get genetic material from humans that are STILL HUMAN, PRE-MUTATED, from Their Point of View.   at the end of the vid “bashar - light and dark”, bashar says “but do understand, the population of the earth might not be the same in that new reality” (he was speaking about the slightly more positive than negative condition after the demarcation of 2012).  he has said that timelines have been merging, but will split apart again after 2012.  i believe we are in fact Creating that ‘more positive than negative’ earth Right Now!  isn’t it of Critical Importance that we realize that?!  

i believe we are actually Creating the parallel timeline, the dimension, in which the essassani and bashar exist.  i know it sounds crazy, circular.  maybe that’s why i was fixated on donnie darko for awhile, trying to figure this timeline thing out.  but my belief is that beings of "a" future came back to this time and helped us insert a probability, a parallel timeline in which positivity snowballed into peace.  the one in which humans turned themselves into greys still exists, and is in fact the one we currently live in (nuclear accidents, polution/toxicity, dna and genetic tinkering, nanotechnology, gmo foods, climate modification, etc).  but now we don’t have to participate in that one anymore.  we can grow up as a species, and create a world of tranquility, loving opportunity, and value fulfillment.

i envision a planet where everyone works together for the benefit of all.  where every being is seen and loved as equally valid and important as every other being.  where the physical environment is beautiful, appreciated and cared-for.  where the air is clean and fresh, the water alive and exhilarating.  all beings, including animal life, are respected and joyful.  communication is primarily by telepathy, there is no reason to hide anything, no secrets.  all is truly well.  everyone lives in ecstasy and fulfillment.  people love each other, without reservation.

i know that it has to be a choice.  we have to consciously CHOOSE to live this way.  but if we knew... if we knew our role in creating this peaceful probability, wouldn’t it be easier to not see the bad stuff. wouldn’t we try harder to work with the places inside ourselves that keep us from realizing Love and Peace in our Own endeavors?  it is a heavy tide we wrestle against, in this current planetary environment.  it would mean so much to know why we are doing it, and that it can have a good outcome.   i believe it is of PRIME Importance to integrate our dark sides (not ignore them and pretend they don't exist), to live in peace, envision a FUTURE of peace, and to accept and respect other's choices of how they wish to live their lives as equal to our own choices.  

light and dark

you are curious as to how you can feel so light one day and so dark and heavy the next.  the energies are such on your planet at this time that AnyThing you focus upon will be experienced in an accentuated manner.   the holes are deeper, but the sky is wider.  very important to be conscious of exactly where you are in relation to all the triggers in your life.  they are showing you where you need to look, and the energy is there to transform those dark places within you in a very rapid manner, if that is your choice.  

it is not that you can make those dark places magically disappear,  it is that you can choose to change your relationship to them so that instead of being essentially places of shame and fear, they can become places of empowerment.  you may integrate them into your whole being with love and appreciation for their role in the totality of all that is you.  without this step, you do not experience yourself as whole.  

as it is with the individual, so it is with creation.  holding that which is feared outside the self creates a fragmented experience of reality.  the light parts, in their recognition of the validity and absence of, the dark parts, will call to them to step forward and be integrated.  that is what you are doing right now, individually and en mass. 

so do not allow yourself to become dismayed.  carry on with your intent. 

just go there

in my ever-ongoing quest for self awareness, i have discovered something.  this may seem subtle to some, but it feels like a big shift for me.

since splitting up with my ex 12 or so years ago, i’ve both surrounded myself with therapy-giving types (mostly friends made through massage school), and sought therapy for myself from people i didn’t previously know personally.  so i’ve had a lot of exposure to current trendy psycho-analytical methods, both inside and out.  i knew i had a lot of screwed up places within, where i held beliefs about myself and about relationships that perpetually repeated themselves in some form or another in most areas of my life.  but looking at that forest of thorns... it just seemed so impenetrable, and painful.  it stood in front of any paths to happiness i might otherwise qualify for, like a big jumbled mess i resented having to deal with.  i did find it easier to just not go there.  i’ve lived my life thus far convincing myself that i’d rather just be alone than deal with the crap.  than deal with the issues (and the Pain) that inevitably come up when you walk out onto the playing field.  

psychological counseling Can be helpful, even if by just providing a safe space for one to feel heard.  and especially helpful if it serves to steer one’s attention to those places that need table time, for those who can’t see them.  while it is nice to be seen and heard (i remember reading that all addiction is the pain of not being seen), talk therapy can be an addiction in itself.  as can living your life identifying yourself as a victim, which conveniently makes everything someone else’s fault.  what i think is profoundly needed is to listen to Yourself.  not the loud voices telling you how you’ve been wronged, what you should fear, what might happen “If”... but those sometimes quieter voices that try to tell you what you Do Want, where you Do want to be, what would Really float your boat.  

that is where the realization comes in, for me.  i’ve always thought that i had to ‘get past’ certain things before i could have this or that in my life.  but the things i thought i needed to get past could be kind of shape-shifting, layer-y, in that if i made an all-out effort to focus right on them, they’d move to the side, and something else would be hiding underneath.  thinking about this thing would bring up that thing, beliefs seemed tangled up in other beliefs.  like spider webs, but not so symmetrical and pretty.  while i might make progress on one thing, something else would loom up menacingly in front of my attention and make me think that this is Never going to happen.  i could Never unroot all those stupid beliefs, stupid associations.  i could Never clear the way to walk into a future of true contentment and fulfillment.  

it can all just seem like one big life-consuming Effort.  i’d be focused on it for awhile, then give it up and carry on being lonely, or broke, or whatever.  

but here recently, i’ve hit upon a different way of being that seems so much lighter and doable.  just go directly there, to where i want to be.   just Decide. decide what i want for myself.  first and foremost.  never mind anything else.  and go there.  throw all my energy into my Intent.  or i should say... Flow all my energy into my desires.  None of it into why nots.  how i’m too messed up for that, too old for that, too independent, too anything. 

what happens when i do that, is that i don’t have to search out particular beliefs that may be affecting my ability to be Right Where I Want To Be.  they Automatically come up.  and fall away as i see them and allow them to fall away.  it seems incredibly easy! so much easier than wading through thorns trying to figure out which one is the offending unit. the one that’s keeping me single when i want a relationship, broke when i want to feel secure.  the Specific things appear in front of me, and i understand Why they are there.   it becomes like a game, like an exciting thing instead of a hard thing.  seeing what comes up for me now.   and knowing that any seemingly negative occurrence can be understood as an opportunity to observe neutrally and let go yet another belief or association that blocks the way to my intent.  

feels like i am moving fast now, skipping scenarios that would have been called for in my previous “focusing on what i don’t have, or am not” mode.  if anybody reading this wants examples, i have lots.  just ask.

comments about pain

when you customarily think of pain, you think in singular terms, yourself only.  there is upon the earth, especially now, an epidemic of pain.  pain as perceived individually, and en mass.   when the river is so raging, and so readily available, it is easy to fall into it.  pain is a very acceptable way of stemming the tide of input/opportunity that presents itself all around you, everyday, and can be perceived as overwhelming.  pain hooks you into it, as it instantly connects you with others, nearly everyone, who is also experiencing some overwhelm-ment and hesitation to take action.  pain slows you down and allows integration.  pain is a well-worn path that is all too easy to traverse.  pain can get out of control, can open up a deep chasm of hesitation that can become so known and comfortable that it’s hard to see out the top.  some people live in pain, die in pain, without knowing that there is another way to live.  pain becomes so routine that it is not even questioned, especially if it becomes an inroad to connection with other people.   

good questions to ask yourself when you are in pain:  where am i hesitating to move forward.  where am i hurting emotionally.  what part of me wants to do something but thinks it too risky?  where is my energy stuck in fear?  its alot of times easier to converse about pain, and possibly pop an expensive pill and complain about the pharmaceutical companies and the government, than to confront yourself and the ways in which the inner you feels unfulfilled.  

what so often happens is that when pain becomes a habit, it is not recognized as such, and a chronic condition is born and integrated.  oh, i have arthritis, i have back pain, dental problems, stiff fingers.  once it is accepted as part of one’s energy pattern/template, there has to be some movement somewhere in order to create a different pattern where it does not exist.  often that movement is seen as scary and unwelcome by the ego part of you who must protect your current existence at all costs.  

oftentimes, a re-focus of energy will take enough energy away from the pain and flow it through some other aspect of you, that the pain will temporarily diminish.  until you panic upon realization of your freedom, and jump back into the more comfortable clothes of convention.  and pain is very conventional.  it is a universally accepted complaint.  while it can be hard to bring up the subject of sexual unfulfillment, or loneliness, of vague worries about one’s future and fear of aging, commenting on one’s aching lower back will usually bring commiseration and nods of “yeah, me too”.  

you Are influenced, even though it is a widely Unseen influence, by the streams of consciousness that flow along beside you and swirl around you.  as a droplet of water moves within an ocean tide, you swim within an ocean of fellow individualized consciousnesses like schools of fish.  turning suddenly sometimes, but as a group.  it is difficult to dissociate yourself from the pack, and exist solitarily, nearly impossible to do so.  the pull is very strong.  so while you are dealing with your own internal stuff, you are feeling the very real influence of the world framework you exist within.  and pain is an easy river of habit to fall into, as there are so very many others already there.  

this is not to say it can’t be done.  but a different perspective on pain is necessary.  its all well and good to recognize that pain is telling you something about yourself, but to See with inner eyes what it is saying, and take Action on those things, that is what will rise you above the river of habit and connect you with a You that does differently.  

another comment about pain.  sometimes ego pushes forth a certain agenda, and leads you to believe that is the only one, because that is the less fearful one for ego.  you may come to believe that you must follow ego’s calling in order to be relieved of pain.  yeah, if i had more money, i would be pain-free.  if i had a mate, if i were young again, if i had a different relationship with someone close to me.  that is not inner self talking.  following fear leads to more pain.  what it usually comes down to is love of self, unconditional love of self.  it begins with that, and expands outward to an existence where love of self is perpetuated by allowing inner self to play as it wishes, in earth environment.  a disregard of what other’s might think, or what you Should be doing, or what ego screams is necessary to be doing.  simply What feels good to me Now.  not looking ahead, but just Being, in joy and peace.  there is no place for pain in this kind of existence.  

multidimensional shower art

not that i have time for this... but dang it, so many things have passed through my life recently that i have not taken the time to write about, and therefore share, and have at hand to possibly reflect upon later.

mark of fgf had posted something a few days ago, on some list, that i instantly related to.  but when i clicked on it to comment, the post was gone.  it was something i'd made nearly identical comments about last fall, in a blog post.

then in my usual skipping around in whatever seth books are currently on my nightstand, i keep happening upon further comments relating to the same thing.  even again last night.  last book of early sessions, jane is feeling strange before a session where seth two unexpectedly showed up.  she said she felt like she and rob were future versions of themselves, viewing their current lives as from slightly to the side, or above, or something.  her physical senses were picking up everything much more intensely/acutely than normal, sights sounds colors (this reminded me of tripping).  my blog post was about experiencing this same feeling, of having moments where my consciousness seems to be perceiving my present self from above myself, slightly detached.  and from a much more expansive place.  sometimes wondering if i've already transitioned and just haven't realized it yet.

then in the shower just now, with the warm water cascading around my head and chest, something else happened.  it's so hard to put these things into words, so hard.  i felt/knew myself creating art from this lifetime in/on another level of my own existence.  i sensed/saw/felt/Knew a piece of multidimensional artwork that i myself was creating, at that moment, from pieces of my life here now.  an image of me moving, with changing colors, ages (images from different stages of my life), sounds, but the sound and colors and even the movements were representative of an emotion, a singular emotion from this lifetime that was then displayed as a piece of moving/multidimensional artwork on another level.  i could draw it now, but only in one pose of so many.  and no way could i reproduce the sounds and changing colors. i do know well the emotion.  i Felt myself creating this, Now, but from another level of existence.  and it was haunting, the emotion, the nostalgia for earth, for the kind of sometimes gut-wrenching relationships we create here in our limited perception.  the singular-ness of it, even though it is a shared reality; each experience being a piece of art in itself, from each individual lifetime lived.  this all happened in an instant, as these kinds of experiences do.  it takes much longer to write them up than Have them. and so many times i don't take time out to write them up.

these sorts of moments are somehow linked together, so that knowing one opens up membrances of others.  i think of a covering over all the sky, with holes here and there.  focusing on one hole brings the others into clearer focus, so that i'm then looking at the holes and not the covering.

i suppose soon enough, the covering will dissolve for all of us; and its useful and cool to be here now, focusing on what's experienceable only because there Is a covering over the rest.  the whole thing, earth, relationships with each other, it all seems like one giant piece of art we are doing from a much more expansive place.  like we sent our little selves here like little paintbrushes, sound technicians, video cameras, to create these little nuances of emotion and relation.  i suppose youtube videos are virtual representations, now able to be so easily pieced together from chosen elements.  fine-tuned at will purposefully, to create a certain impression, feeling, or idea.  ha! we are like living youtube vids :)

instant knowing

instant knowing... means you are allowing yourself to express more of who you are.  knowing Consciously, in physical form, more of what you already know on the template level of reality.  allowing more of what you already ARE, to be manifest in human form.  knowing that cannot be separated from you again; once you are conscious of it, it is active within you while in physical form.  

knowing is instantaneous.  does not require words.  does not require explanation.  does not require time.  knowing is inherent, is a recognition that you Are it.  allowing, flowing, letting it just Be... leaving an open space for all that you are to Flow In you, through you, in harmony with you, with who you are presently Being.  it is important to create the blank spots, the holes, the vacuum, the Invitation (which you may do through meditation, a walk in the woods, clearing your mind of all concerns, playing in water, creating an easiness) into which knowingness may flow, according to your intent. 

instant knowing is connecting Consciously with your higher self.  you are never not connected to your higher self, it is just that you are not always aware of the connection.  

trust yourself

so many still look outside themselves for truth, for what to trust in.  the present world situation is a perfect playground for learning to trust in yourselves.  for recognizing that what you see “out there” is but a reflection of what is “inside”, of what it is you are Being, in any given moment. 

trust in your own constructions.  Know that you are creating them, YourSelves, and purposefully.  to the extent that you are unaware of your role in creating all that exists upon and within the consciousness of your planet, you will look to outside sources to confirm or deny what you contemplate, what you focus your attention upon.  when you find more and more out there to ‘distrust’, you will inevitably be led into yourself, into your inner self, for answers.  such is the nature of the game.  you will also discover that you set up the game, willingly, and with full knowledge of its boundaries and limitations, but also of the potential for an explosion of experience and awareness.  no matter what you think, none of you wants to be “let out of the game early”.  

all is well, on the only level that really “Matters”.  trust that it is and it will be so, for you.  

were you just pushing energy....

i was feeling a little pinched by not receiving a couple calls back, concerning things i really wanted to feel settled about in my mind, when it suddenly occurred to me that i was pushing energy (as we used to say back in the day).  instantly, i received the following words from IS (inner self).

its not really that energy can be 'pushed', it is more that energy (ie: the universe, You) flows along the path of least resistance.  so called 'pushing energy' is just creating resistance, a bundle/knot/Thick place, in an attempt to Make something happen, as opposed to just letting it happen as it will (which will always, by the way, happen in just the way that serves you best, in the Moment).   you are creating an obstacle that need not be there by not trusting that it really Can be easy, that energy does not need to be forced or pushed in a certain direction.

so don't get your panties in a wad!  allow events to unfold in their own timing, and remember 'you Are the event', the event does not exist outside of who you are.  it is not 'waiting in the wings for your arrival' as it is so commonly thought of in your society.  the energy that you are is flowing/morphing/changing continually, with your changing desires and intents, into more expressions of You.

the less obstacles you create for yourself by worrying about how and when things will happen,  the easier you will create life to be.

on your constant questioning about whether something is True or Not.

truth, as you tend to think of it, is a black and white thing.  did it happen, or not?  in reality, there is no truth in that sense.  there are ‘ideas’.  all ideas are reality on a subjective level.  you seek to make them objective through attention and focus.  the main ‘idea’ is worked on/precipitated, in framework 2/dreamstate.   when it is decided en mass to do it this way or that,  ideas are ‘chosen’ automatically by the attention and focus given them, for objective reality On Your Level of existence; chosen from your particular pool of probable realities.  the ideas are always ‘true’ on some level, and given that you move in and out of probabilities continually, you can make them ‘true’ for you, or not as you wish, to suit your purposes.  so in a very real sense, everything is true, somewhere. 

shadow realities surround you.  you are immersed in roads not taken.  you may choose to take them at any time, and they then become real, become true, to you.  you do this all the time, everyday, every moment in fact. 

what is interesting is the vengeance with which you will defend an idea that you regard as true, and the sheer nonsense you often assign to those ideas that clash too hard with your present idea of yourself.  testament to the strength of the ropes of association/habit and limitation you choose to bind yourselves with.  

this seeking of the truth is a byproduct, a given, of free will and choice.  you automatically seek to make something more true than something else as that is the way you choose experience.   in order to Have an experience as a physical creature... (interruption)

you seek experience.  all creatures seek experience.  in a free will universe, seeking is expressed through choice.  choice is attention to/focus upon one idea more than another.  you give yourself as big a playing field as you can comfortably handle and go for it.  as you develop your abilities, the available field of choices can get bigger without the feeling that you may lose yourself in the possibilities.  as you integrate more possibility into yourself, you expand in a way that has nothing to do with space.  more ideas become true to you as you are able to incorporate more ‘truth’ without losing your sense of identity.  

depending on the perspective from which this fractal expansion is viewed, it can take a blink of an eye, or millenia of incarnations through various physical settings to accomplish an understanding of 'expressed ideas as truth'.

(had an image here of perpetual fractal expansion as each possibility chosen and interacted with, creates more possibilities which are then in turn chosen and interacted with, creating more possibilities...  infinity)

2012

i feel myself shooting through scenarios like a speeding city train at night, with bright lit scenes barely glimpsed as they move so fast one into another.  i see this and now this, and now we’re at a stop, but off again as more scenes flash by.  pitching forward through the darkness into some unknown territory that's both scary and thrilling. 

i have the feeling that this journey is inevitable, that each of us must take it in our own way and time.  that it is already taken by all, on some cosmic scale, and at that level, no one is left out... a thought that soothes my sensitivities enormously, and allows me to go with centrifugal flow and relax back into my seat and enjoy the ride, knowing that i’ll wake up to some glorious and wonderful landscape in the morning.

writers, by nature, must excuse themselves from the party

observation, even neutral observation, must come from a point of separation.  one must remove themselves from the event, step aside, even if temporarily so, in order to reflect upon and in the case of writers, record, the event.  even a thought is an event.  even an emotion.  

there is the event.  and then there’s the writing about it, or the philosophizing about it.  

so much of our lives is not event, but reflection.  perhaps writers even more so.  only in the raw experience of something,  both hearing and feeling our heartbeats while watching our chests rise and fall silently, is there (straight-up, immediate connection to) life.  writing or telling about it is just story.  

perhaps writers perform a service, that of relaying Possibility, but how cool to just Live!  to focus so intensely on the present moment that its not seen in any kind of perspective.  just lived as it comes, as it Is.  without pen or keyboard or camera.  just ones heart. 

footprints on earth

(from april 3rd, 2011)

i was reading something today about leaving footprints, as you travel the earth, in places where you can go back and find them later.  surprised to find someone else writing of a concept that i’ve held in mind since at least my teen years... this idea that from other levels of existence, we can “go back” to this lifetime on earth, and re-live experiences as we choose.  for many years, i’ve been mentally “marking” the ones i love the most, as they happen, so i can do just that! 

we have to DO the things we love Now!  create the markers in space and time while physical creatures, so we can walk into those windows “later”, and expand on those experiences that touched us so close to our hearts.  

each moment is a universe unto itself, complete yet forever expanding, in the wildest of paradoxes, infinity itself.  i imagine myself dropping down from ethereal beingness, into physicality, jumping and skipping merrily amongst the universes that i have created, looking for the moments that brought me the greatest joy, and diving into them again and again.

an uncoddled moment

from dec 16th, 2009

was thinking of how we hold our lives together in moments, in separate little balls of time that we can hold out from ourselves and view.  we dress those moments up with association, coddle them in wrappings of familiarity.  rarely do we leave them raw.  would the nakedness of a moment not clothed in self cause us to shrink?  haha, our selves are such illusion anyway, our lives held up by streamed together thought that can be had by anyone.  

we are what we ‘think’ we are.  so if i don’t think, if i let the wrappings fall away, will i become the bare branches moving to the wind?  do the branches become the wind?  do they share a symbiotic relationship unknown to ego?  does the tree even see me?  do the tree branches and the wind notice my curiosity, do they together turn and look?  do they want to be me as i think of being the tree?  or did i make them up, and any separation is nothing but the wrappings i buried myself within?  

time thing

i think i just experienced one of those incidences that bashar has talked about where ‘time gets slippery’.  here’s what happened:

decided to run out to freddies for groceries before going to pick wrey up from school.  thought if i hurried, i should have just about enough time to get over there and back, perhaps needing to go from there directly to the school parking lot.  glanced at my watch before leaving home.  it was 1:28.  (i go to get wrey at 2:30).  drove to freddies and found my usual parking spot right by the front door untaken, yay.  looked at my watch again as i was going into the store, only about 3 minutes had passed!  wow!  how could that be!?  there was the usual traffic and such on the roads; ordinarily the trip from being in my room at home to being at the store shopping takes about 15-20 mins or so, minimum.  i was thinking then that maybe this was one of those times like bashar has talked about.  

so i went into the store and started looking for the stuff i needed, ended up walking back and forth across near-about the whole store a couple times cause i didn’t remember the items in a ‘progression-of-aisle’s’-oriented manner.  did the self-checkout thing, which usually takes a bit longer, and even dug bills and coins out of my bag cause my bank acct is empty at present.   got back to the car and checked the time again to see if i needed to go directly to the school parking lot or if i had time to swing by home and put the groceries away.  it wasn’t even a quarter till 2 yet!!  i couldn’t believe it!!  i drove home, normal traffic, stopping for pedestrians in front of intel and such, and while it took a bit longer to get home than the 3 mins it took to get there, it was still only about 1:50 when i got back into my house.  i made the whole trip in under 25 minutes!!  blows me away.  now it is 2:30 and time to go get wrey... after writing this, and being interrupted in the middle by a somewhat lengthy phone call.     i love it.

ethereal versus material

thoughts, ideas are much more malleable when they’re floating around in the unseen, open, fluid spaces of your mind, when they live in possibility land and you can’t yet see them.  once they are given enough attention and emotion to break through into physical reality, creations are mightily reinforced by the perception of the physical senses.  they become more “real”, and therefore more resistant to change.  pay attention to how you feel about what you’re thinking, and watch what you are giving attention to in your thoughts.  its much easier to shift directions before something crystalizes in your life, cause when its up against your face, you must ‘deal with it’ instead of just musing about it.  

reality creation note

standing at the kitchen sink, doing dishes, half of me spacing off out the window somewhere, i picked up the bottle of dish soap and squirted a little more into the dishwater.  its funny, i don’t know how to explain this, to put into words a concept for which there are no words.  but if there were, it would have to be something like “simultaneous thought-event”.  a thought so pure and without resistance that it instantly manifests.  there is little space of time between its inception and its unfoldment.  the thought does not contain words strung out each one following another.  it is more like an idea that is also an event... just one thing, complete within itself. 

so a flurry of small colorful bubbles popped out the top of the soap bottle as i sat it back down, and i had the funny thought that what if one came up and landed on the tip of my nose, how funny that would be.  i didn’t consciously think out the thought, word for word.  it was more like i envisioned it happening.  i felt light and happy and delighted that little bubbles were floating around in the sunlight.  the very next micro second (or whatever the smallest known increment of time happens to be), a little bubble floated straight up and landed right on the tip of my nose!  and i laughed and laughed, because i realized something profound about reality creation, in that instant.  and i don’t know if i can even put this into words.  there was absolutely No Resistance in the thought that occurred to me about the bubble.  i didn’t Hope it would happen, i wasn’t waiting to See if it would happen, i wasn’t Expecting it to happen, i had nothing emotionally tied up in whether it happened or not.  i didn’t Want it to happen in the way that i was trying to Make it happen.  i was just in a light-hearted mood and thought, what if... without anything, anything at all, getting in the way.  and it immediately happened.  

so what i think is that the thought and the physical manifestation of the thought are truly just One Thing.  its just our emotional and intellectual tags that create the Time (aha!) that is the perceived separation between the two.

the time is... Now

the time for anything is Now.  if its in your head, if your thoughts keep returning to it, the time to do it is Now.  

how many many things i see around me that i never did!  oh, remember when i was going to do this?  i told myself i’d do it another time, when i got around to it ... but that day never came.   i intended to do this, meant to finish that, thought about it.  but never did it.  the moments morph one after another into different circumstances, the moment when That was relevant disappears from perception.   later, sometimes years later, something reminds me... oh, remember?  i was going to paint that.   i was going to fix that.  i was going to make one of those.

maybe its an issue of entertaining more ideas than i would ever possibly have time for.  or one of priority.  keeping a tidy kitchen and food cooked for my girls is higher up on the list of things that must get done today.

but when i remember... i wonder... is there a universe where all those things i thought about but never did, Lives?   :)

a space in (two) time(s)

i was driving down the road in my car yesterday, listening to ten years after/ a space in time, specifically the song "here they come".  i love that song.  i love it even more now than back in the early 70's when we used to listen to it and watch it at the same time (had the stereo hooked up to an oscilloscope glen/my ex built out of an old tv).

so here i am driving and i suddenly experience myself "Inside" the music, sliding down the musical scales/streams of notes, like on a roller coaster ride, up and down with the sounds!  Seeing the music, and me on it/in it or something indescribable really.... playing! inside the music :)    and kinda at the same time, lights were coming on everywhere (in my thoughts And in physical reality around me which in this moment were one and the same) and i suddenly understood how every little thing was relevant, all of it,  Everything fit Somewhere!  i saw how everything in my present 'view' fit together perfectly.  the traffic ahead of me, the people walking along the street, the sky, the weather, Everything!

looking forward out the car window (i'm driving still), the sweet little cloud shapes in the sky are winking at me, and the trees i'm driving past are proudly displaying, to Me, the intricate design of their leafless branches visible only in the winter; saying to me that they may look the same in passing, but they are Not.  each revealing a beauty equal to their summer splendor of green.  and oh my god! the world is such a Beautiful place! a wave of joy swept through my heart and tears sprang out, and oh!  i got to the bank and had to clean up my face before going in :)

it wasn't until i came home and started writing down about the playing inside the music thing that it hit me!  i was maybe opened up to the present-day experience by the years-earlier experience of Watching those same sounds on the oscilloscope.  i had recognized in the moment how everything happening 'presently' fit together, but now i saw how everything in my Whole Life fit!  wow.  the scope of that is really not even transferrable through words.

there is another curious thing about these kinds of experiences, for me.  when relating it, i cannot say with certainty which thing happened first.  did i Feel myself sliding up and down the music notes first, or did i "get it" how connected is Every Little Thing first?  it seemed like just One Expanded Moment that included all of the above, a moment that suddenly became "bigger" in a way i cannot adequately verbalize.  this time sequence thing happens frequently when i attempt to record my dreams; some of them just won't be broken down into a linear 'this followed that' sequence, they just won't.