were you just pushing energy....

i was feeling a little pinched by not receiving a couple calls back, concerning things i really wanted to feel settled about in my mind, when it suddenly occurred to me that i was pushing energy (as we used to say back in the day).  instantly, i received the following words from IS (inner self).

its not really that energy can be 'pushed', it is more that energy (ie: the universe, You) flows along the path of least resistance.  so called 'pushing energy' is just creating resistance, a bundle/knot/Thick place, in an attempt to Make something happen, as opposed to just letting it happen as it will (which will always, by the way, happen in just the way that serves you best, in the Moment).   you are creating an obstacle that need not be there by not trusting that it really Can be easy, that energy does not need to be forced or pushed in a certain direction.

so don't get your panties in a wad!  allow events to unfold in their own timing, and remember 'you Are the event', the event does not exist outside of who you are.  it is not 'waiting in the wings for your arrival' as it is so commonly thought of in your society.  the energy that you are is flowing/morphing/changing continually, with your changing desires and intents, into more expressions of You.

the less obstacles you create for yourself by worrying about how and when things will happen,  the easier you will create life to be.

on your constant questioning about whether something is True or Not.

truth, as you tend to think of it, is a black and white thing.  did it happen, or not?  in reality, there is no truth in that sense.  there are ‘ideas’.  all ideas are reality on a subjective level.  you seek to make them objective through attention and focus.  the main ‘idea’ is worked on/precipitated, in framework 2/dreamstate.   when it is decided en mass to do it this way or that,  ideas are ‘chosen’ automatically by the attention and focus given them, for objective reality On Your Level of existence; chosen from your particular pool of probable realities.  the ideas are always ‘true’ on some level, and given that you move in and out of probabilities continually, you can make them ‘true’ for you, or not as you wish, to suit your purposes.  so in a very real sense, everything is true, somewhere. 

shadow realities surround you.  you are immersed in roads not taken.  you may choose to take them at any time, and they then become real, become true, to you.  you do this all the time, everyday, every moment in fact. 

what is interesting is the vengeance with which you will defend an idea that you regard as true, and the sheer nonsense you often assign to those ideas that clash too hard with your present idea of yourself.  testament to the strength of the ropes of association/habit and limitation you choose to bind yourselves with.  

this seeking of the truth is a byproduct, a given, of free will and choice.  you automatically seek to make something more true than something else as that is the way you choose experience.   in order to Have an experience as a physical creature... (interruption)

you seek experience.  all creatures seek experience.  in a free will universe, seeking is expressed through choice.  choice is attention to/focus upon one idea more than another.  you give yourself as big a playing field as you can comfortably handle and go for it.  as you develop your abilities, the available field of choices can get bigger without the feeling that you may lose yourself in the possibilities.  as you integrate more possibility into yourself, you expand in a way that has nothing to do with space.  more ideas become true to you as you are able to incorporate more ‘truth’ without losing your sense of identity.  

depending on the perspective from which this fractal expansion is viewed, it can take a blink of an eye, or millenia of incarnations through various physical settings to accomplish an understanding of 'expressed ideas as truth'.

(had an image here of perpetual fractal expansion as each possibility chosen and interacted with, creates more possibilities which are then in turn chosen and interacted with, creating more possibilities...  infinity)

2012

i feel myself shooting through scenarios like a speeding city train at night, with bright lit scenes barely glimpsed as they move so fast one into another.  i see this and now this, and now we’re at a stop, but off again as more scenes flash by.  pitching forward through the darkness into some unknown territory that's both scary and thrilling. 

i have the feeling that this journey is inevitable, that each of us must take it in our own way and time.  that it is already taken by all, on some cosmic scale, and at that level, no one is left out... a thought that soothes my sensitivities enormously, and allows me to go with centrifugal flow and relax back into my seat and enjoy the ride, knowing that i’ll wake up to some glorious and wonderful landscape in the morning.

writers, by nature, must excuse themselves from the party

observation, even neutral observation, must come from a point of separation.  one must remove themselves from the event, step aside, even if temporarily so, in order to reflect upon and in the case of writers, record, the event.  even a thought is an event.  even an emotion.  

there is the event.  and then there’s the writing about it, or the philosophizing about it.  

so much of our lives is not event, but reflection.  perhaps writers even more so.  only in the raw experience of something,  both hearing and feeling our heartbeats while watching our chests rise and fall silently, is there (straight-up, immediate connection to) life.  writing or telling about it is just story.  

perhaps writers perform a service, that of relaying Possibility, but how cool to just Live!  to focus so intensely on the present moment that its not seen in any kind of perspective.  just lived as it comes, as it Is.  without pen or keyboard or camera.  just ones heart.