an ET experience, and parallel timelines

i’ve had several (at least partially recalled) experiences with ets, but this is the one of which i have the most extended conscious recall.  the details of the following account are taken from my bedside dream journal, recorded the morning after it happened (may 12, 2009).   i am leaving out some very personal parts; other than that, what is written is just as it happened.  

i wanted to go to bed earlier that night because i have to get up with (my daughter) so early, but somehow thats easier said than done.  it was 12:10 am when i finally got to bed.  read a little seth (early sessions, bk 3) before turning out the light.  i settled down into the blankets but was still very much conscious and awake when my body started to feel funny, kinda warm and tingly all over.  i’m *quite sure* i was Awake when this all started.  i got that feeling of inevitability i get when the ets are here again (you just Know).  i had my eyes closed because i didn’t want to scare myself by looking.  i thought about how earlier i had been wanting to consciously participate in the experience next time it happened, but thought that if i opened my eyes and actually looked full-on at them, it would scare me too badly and i’d freak out and lose consciousness.  i really Did want to help them, but consciously this time.  i telepathically communicated my thoughts to them, saying that i’d like to see the stars, space, on my way to where ever we were going.  

i recall a scene of being carried upside down, my hair dragging on the wooden floor, getting a real close up view of the dust bunnies and small bits of debris on the floor.  this pissed me off and i was mentally asking/telling them not to drag me that way! those damn little greys, they are like little robots, they really don’t get it.  they don’t understand how humiliating it is to be carried that way.  i think my ire at them took precedence over my fear response.  

a very brief scene of being outside the house, in the yard.  then stars, but it was not very realistic.  at first i was thinking - wow! stars, there’s all the beautiful stars, just like i wanted! - but then i noticed that i was looking down through the stars and seeing the treetops.  the perspective wasn’t right.  another mind trick.

then i was in a room with them, on board their craft.  i got the feeling that we really hadn’t traveled very far.  perhaps still hovering over the treetops, slightly out-of-phase so as not to be seen.  i recall being laid down on a table.  there was a male standing at the foot of the table, wearing no clothes, at least not obvious ones.  i had ever-so-slightly opened my eyes - i wanted to see him, yet not frighten myself enough to cause me to black out.  i did get a good glimpse of him.  he was normal to tall size, not small.  his skin was darkish metal-gray, almost a blue-gray, a steel color.  his face was strong-looking, not angular per se, but squarish and masculine-looking, not round and soft. 

(i am leaving out a portion here, but will take up by saying that by this time, i am phasing in and out of consciousness).  i’m still on the metal table and they were doing something to my nose and mouth.  this part was dream-like in that i was viewing it from the side, as if they were doing this to someone else.  there was a scene where i saw myself over on the side of the room standing, mentally conversing with a group of ets, as if i was one of them, while the me on the table was protesting what they were doing to me.  they tipped the chin up and stuck something up the nose, also did something to my mouth that seemed like they were taking scrapings or samplings.  why are you doing these things to me? i’m mentally asking.  i knew that my discomfort was causing the phasing in and out of consciousness.  i understood that they were allowing me to remain conscious as much as possible, per my request.  i Had agreed to help them - i Wanted to help them.  

i was exchanging thoughts with the steel-gray male, and he said something that disturbed me Greatly.  he said - and i mean mentally, this exchange was all telepathic - that they were doing this so they could come here, to this planet earth, after we were gone.  they were preparing a race of people to live on earth after our demise.  i was Sharply Disturbed at what he said.  what do you mean, ‘after humans are gone’!?   i Love the human race!  

then i was standing beside this et being, on the surface of a brown and lifeless planet.  he had taken me there to show me first hand what we had done, and why they were creating a new race of beings.  this was Not just another idea-image that was put into my head.  i know the difference, just like with the stars and a lot of other times they have wanted me to think something.  there is a very subjective and hard to describe attribute of the mind tricks, but its like there is a psychological, wavering ‘frame’ around the edges of the thought or image they convey to you telepathically, like it is placed ‘on top of’ your natural thoughts, in some way, grafted in.  it may fool me at first, but then i recognize it as a trick.  no, i believe with all my being that i was actually There, taken to a time in our future, or at least a probable future, where the earth was like that.

i knew that mankind had not been kind to this earth!  that we had poisoned things, trashed it, had wars and killed each other.  i thought about how i have a firm conviction that something has to change.  but how much love, hope, compassion, and good there is in the human heart!!!  there are so many people here who have nothing to do with the bad stuff.  the average human is loving and kind.  the human heart is full of love and compassion!  i was aware that i was helping them create a race with the good parts of being human, without the bad.  this is what i wanted to do.  but i was So Sad that there would be no more humans like the ones that are here now.  

after phasing in and out of consciousness a few more times, i phased in back in my bedroom.  it took a few minutes to come all the way back.  i could hear the traffic noise, then i couldn’t, then i could.  i moved in and out of feeling like all was normal and i was just lying in my bed waiting to fall asleep for the night, and a weird state where things were ‘blank’, there was no traffic noise and my body felt very light and tingly.  then it seemed like i had never left my bed, but in a fake way.  i looked at the clock and it was 2:54 am.   it seemed like i had just put down my book, but almost 3 hours had passed.

later that next day, i recalled another scene that i added to my written account.  at some point, i had been trying to pick the brain of this metallic gray male et.  i asked him how to manifest another house of my own (this makes me laugh now).  i was fast and furiously trying to think of questions i wanted answered to take full advantage of the situation.  the et answered something to the effect that it wasn’t within their expertise to advise us on such matters, but to just ‘let it flow’.  he seemed to be in a hurry. 

additional comments.  there are a mixture of beings on the crafts that i recall being on.  in the above experience, the large male et with the metallic-gray skin seemed to be in charge; he was not one of the greys.  the greys seem to be the ‘workforce’, and are annoying in that they don’t seem to understand humans and what is normal human behavior.   i have realized that it is my fear that keeps me from consciously remembering.  to the extent that my curiosity is stronger than my fear, i remember.  but it has always been a jumbled mess of remembered scenes interspersed with blacked-out blocks of time.  

i have felt increasingly compelled to share this particular experience, but really wrangled with the idea of doing it.  on the one hand, it may be construed as perpetuating negativity.  a burned out, lifeless earth is certainly a negative thought.  on the other hand, and my current thinking is, that we need to understand what we are up against.  how very important it IS for us to envision the earth that we want to inhabit.  i fully, with all of my being, believe that this earth that we live on today, is the same earth i was standing on with that et.  but that we are right now creating a new earth, laying down the template for it with our (planetwide) yearnings towards community, equality, and love.  

i have been piecing this together in my heart and in my mind for ages.  we have been given lots of clues.  bashar’s world, essassani, exists IN A DIFFERENT DIMENSION.  the greys come from our FUTURE, where their race is dying and they are creating a new race of beings to carry forth their legacy, so what they have learned and experienced doesn’t die.  i believe the greys are US, having gone underground to live in the so-called fema bunkers, after the surface of this earth gets fried.  in the vid “ufo’s and et’s”, bashar says that the greys came from the future to get genetic material from humans that are STILL HUMAN, PRE-MUTATED, from Their Point of View.   at the end of the vid “bashar - light and dark”, bashar says “but do understand, the population of the earth might not be the same in that new reality” (he was speaking about the slightly more positive than negative condition after the demarcation of 2012).  he has said that timelines have been merging, but will split apart again after 2012.  i believe we are in fact Creating that ‘more positive than negative’ earth Right Now!  isn’t it of Critical Importance that we realize that?!  

i believe we are actually Creating the parallel timeline, the dimension, in which the essassani and bashar exist.  i know it sounds crazy, circular.  maybe that’s why i was fixated on donnie darko for awhile, trying to figure this timeline thing out.  but my belief is that beings of "a" future came back to this time and helped us insert a probability, a parallel timeline in which positivity snowballed into peace.  the one in which humans turned themselves into greys still exists, and is in fact the one we currently live in (nuclear accidents, polution/toxicity, dna and genetic tinkering, nanotechnology, gmo foods, climate modification, etc).  but now we don’t have to participate in that one anymore.  we can grow up as a species, and create a world of tranquility, loving opportunity, and value fulfillment.

i envision a planet where everyone works together for the benefit of all.  where every being is seen and loved as equally valid and important as every other being.  where the physical environment is beautiful, appreciated and cared-for.  where the air is clean and fresh, the water alive and exhilarating.  all beings, including animal life, are respected and joyful.  communication is primarily by telepathy, there is no reason to hide anything, no secrets.  all is truly well.  everyone lives in ecstasy and fulfillment.  people love each other, without reservation.

i know that it has to be a choice.  we have to consciously CHOOSE to live this way.  but if we knew... if we knew our role in creating this peaceful probability, wouldn’t it be easier to not see the bad stuff. wouldn’t we try harder to work with the places inside ourselves that keep us from realizing Love and Peace in our Own endeavors?  it is a heavy tide we wrestle against, in this current planetary environment.  it would mean so much to know why we are doing it, and that it can have a good outcome.   i believe it is of PRIME Importance to integrate our dark sides (not ignore them and pretend they don't exist), to live in peace, envision a FUTURE of peace, and to accept and respect other's choices of how they wish to live their lives as equal to our own choices.  

light and dark

you are curious as to how you can feel so light one day and so dark and heavy the next.  the energies are such on your planet at this time that AnyThing you focus upon will be experienced in an accentuated manner.   the holes are deeper, but the sky is wider.  very important to be conscious of exactly where you are in relation to all the triggers in your life.  they are showing you where you need to look, and the energy is there to transform those dark places within you in a very rapid manner, if that is your choice.  

it is not that you can make those dark places magically disappear,  it is that you can choose to change your relationship to them so that instead of being essentially places of shame and fear, they can become places of empowerment.  you may integrate them into your whole being with love and appreciation for their role in the totality of all that is you.  without this step, you do not experience yourself as whole.  

as it is with the individual, so it is with creation.  holding that which is feared outside the self creates a fragmented experience of reality.  the light parts, in their recognition of the validity and absence of, the dark parts, will call to them to step forward and be integrated.  that is what you are doing right now, individually and en mass. 

so do not allow yourself to become dismayed.  carry on with your intent. 

just go there

in my ever-ongoing quest for self awareness, i have discovered something.  this may seem subtle to some, but it feels like a big shift for me.

since splitting up with my ex 12 or so years ago, i’ve both surrounded myself with therapy-giving types (mostly friends made through massage school), and sought therapy for myself from people i didn’t previously know personally.  so i’ve had a lot of exposure to current trendy psycho-analytical methods, both inside and out.  i knew i had a lot of screwed up places within, where i held beliefs about myself and about relationships that perpetually repeated themselves in some form or another in most areas of my life.  but looking at that forest of thorns... it just seemed so impenetrable, and painful.  it stood in front of any paths to happiness i might otherwise qualify for, like a big jumbled mess i resented having to deal with.  i did find it easier to just not go there.  i’ve lived my life thus far convincing myself that i’d rather just be alone than deal with the crap.  than deal with the issues (and the Pain) that inevitably come up when you walk out onto the playing field.  

psychological counseling Can be helpful, even if by just providing a safe space for one to feel heard.  and especially helpful if it serves to steer one’s attention to those places that need table time, for those who can’t see them.  while it is nice to be seen and heard (i remember reading that all addiction is the pain of not being seen), talk therapy can be an addiction in itself.  as can living your life identifying yourself as a victim, which conveniently makes everything someone else’s fault.  what i think is profoundly needed is to listen to Yourself.  not the loud voices telling you how you’ve been wronged, what you should fear, what might happen “If”... but those sometimes quieter voices that try to tell you what you Do Want, where you Do want to be, what would Really float your boat.  

that is where the realization comes in, for me.  i’ve always thought that i had to ‘get past’ certain things before i could have this or that in my life.  but the things i thought i needed to get past could be kind of shape-shifting, layer-y, in that if i made an all-out effort to focus right on them, they’d move to the side, and something else would be hiding underneath.  thinking about this thing would bring up that thing, beliefs seemed tangled up in other beliefs.  like spider webs, but not so symmetrical and pretty.  while i might make progress on one thing, something else would loom up menacingly in front of my attention and make me think that this is Never going to happen.  i could Never unroot all those stupid beliefs, stupid associations.  i could Never clear the way to walk into a future of true contentment and fulfillment.  

it can all just seem like one big life-consuming Effort.  i’d be focused on it for awhile, then give it up and carry on being lonely, or broke, or whatever.  

but here recently, i’ve hit upon a different way of being that seems so much lighter and doable.  just go directly there, to where i want to be.   just Decide. decide what i want for myself.  first and foremost.  never mind anything else.  and go there.  throw all my energy into my Intent.  or i should say... Flow all my energy into my desires.  None of it into why nots.  how i’m too messed up for that, too old for that, too independent, too anything. 

what happens when i do that, is that i don’t have to search out particular beliefs that may be affecting my ability to be Right Where I Want To Be.  they Automatically come up.  and fall away as i see them and allow them to fall away.  it seems incredibly easy! so much easier than wading through thorns trying to figure out which one is the offending unit. the one that’s keeping me single when i want a relationship, broke when i want to feel secure.  the Specific things appear in front of me, and i understand Why they are there.   it becomes like a game, like an exciting thing instead of a hard thing.  seeing what comes up for me now.   and knowing that any seemingly negative occurrence can be understood as an opportunity to observe neutrally and let go yet another belief or association that blocks the way to my intent.  

feels like i am moving fast now, skipping scenarios that would have been called for in my previous “focusing on what i don’t have, or am not” mode.  if anybody reading this wants examples, i have lots.  just ask.

comments about pain

when you customarily think of pain, you think in singular terms, yourself only.  there is upon the earth, especially now, an epidemic of pain.  pain as perceived individually, and en mass.   when the river is so raging, and so readily available, it is easy to fall into it.  pain is a very acceptable way of stemming the tide of input/opportunity that presents itself all around you, everyday, and can be perceived as overwhelming.  pain hooks you into it, as it instantly connects you with others, nearly everyone, who is also experiencing some overwhelm-ment and hesitation to take action.  pain slows you down and allows integration.  pain is a well-worn path that is all too easy to traverse.  pain can get out of control, can open up a deep chasm of hesitation that can become so known and comfortable that it’s hard to see out the top.  some people live in pain, die in pain, without knowing that there is another way to live.  pain becomes so routine that it is not even questioned, especially if it becomes an inroad to connection with other people.   

good questions to ask yourself when you are in pain:  where am i hesitating to move forward.  where am i hurting emotionally.  what part of me wants to do something but thinks it too risky?  where is my energy stuck in fear?  its alot of times easier to converse about pain, and possibly pop an expensive pill and complain about the pharmaceutical companies and the government, than to confront yourself and the ways in which the inner you feels unfulfilled.  

what so often happens is that when pain becomes a habit, it is not recognized as such, and a chronic condition is born and integrated.  oh, i have arthritis, i have back pain, dental problems, stiff fingers.  once it is accepted as part of one’s energy pattern/template, there has to be some movement somewhere in order to create a different pattern where it does not exist.  often that movement is seen as scary and unwelcome by the ego part of you who must protect your current existence at all costs.  

oftentimes, a re-focus of energy will take enough energy away from the pain and flow it through some other aspect of you, that the pain will temporarily diminish.  until you panic upon realization of your freedom, and jump back into the more comfortable clothes of convention.  and pain is very conventional.  it is a universally accepted complaint.  while it can be hard to bring up the subject of sexual unfulfillment, or loneliness, of vague worries about one’s future and fear of aging, commenting on one’s aching lower back will usually bring commiseration and nods of “yeah, me too”.  

you Are influenced, even though it is a widely Unseen influence, by the streams of consciousness that flow along beside you and swirl around you.  as a droplet of water moves within an ocean tide, you swim within an ocean of fellow individualized consciousnesses like schools of fish.  turning suddenly sometimes, but as a group.  it is difficult to dissociate yourself from the pack, and exist solitarily, nearly impossible to do so.  the pull is very strong.  so while you are dealing with your own internal stuff, you are feeling the very real influence of the world framework you exist within.  and pain is an easy river of habit to fall into, as there are so very many others already there.  

this is not to say it can’t be done.  but a different perspective on pain is necessary.  its all well and good to recognize that pain is telling you something about yourself, but to See with inner eyes what it is saying, and take Action on those things, that is what will rise you above the river of habit and connect you with a You that does differently.  

another comment about pain.  sometimes ego pushes forth a certain agenda, and leads you to believe that is the only one, because that is the less fearful one for ego.  you may come to believe that you must follow ego’s calling in order to be relieved of pain.  yeah, if i had more money, i would be pain-free.  if i had a mate, if i were young again, if i had a different relationship with someone close to me.  that is not inner self talking.  following fear leads to more pain.  what it usually comes down to is love of self, unconditional love of self.  it begins with that, and expands outward to an existence where love of self is perpetuated by allowing inner self to play as it wishes, in earth environment.  a disregard of what other’s might think, or what you Should be doing, or what ego screams is necessary to be doing.  simply What feels good to me Now.  not looking ahead, but just Being, in joy and peace.  there is no place for pain in this kind of existence.  

multidimensional shower art

not that i have time for this... but dang it, so many things have passed through my life recently that i have not taken the time to write about, and therefore share, and have at hand to possibly reflect upon later.

mark of fgf had posted something a few days ago, on some list, that i instantly related to.  but when i clicked on it to comment, the post was gone.  it was something i'd made nearly identical comments about last fall, in a blog post.

then in my usual skipping around in whatever seth books are currently on my nightstand, i keep happening upon further comments relating to the same thing.  even again last night.  last book of early sessions, jane is feeling strange before a session where seth two unexpectedly showed up.  she said she felt like she and rob were future versions of themselves, viewing their current lives as from slightly to the side, or above, or something.  her physical senses were picking up everything much more intensely/acutely than normal, sights sounds colors (this reminded me of tripping).  my blog post was about experiencing this same feeling, of having moments where my consciousness seems to be perceiving my present self from above myself, slightly detached.  and from a much more expansive place.  sometimes wondering if i've already transitioned and just haven't realized it yet.

then in the shower just now, with the warm water cascading around my head and chest, something else happened.  it's so hard to put these things into words, so hard.  i felt/knew myself creating art from this lifetime in/on another level of my own existence.  i sensed/saw/felt/Knew a piece of multidimensional artwork that i myself was creating, at that moment, from pieces of my life here now.  an image of me moving, with changing colors, ages (images from different stages of my life), sounds, but the sound and colors and even the movements were representative of an emotion, a singular emotion from this lifetime that was then displayed as a piece of moving/multidimensional artwork on another level.  i could draw it now, but only in one pose of so many.  and no way could i reproduce the sounds and changing colors. i do know well the emotion.  i Felt myself creating this, Now, but from another level of existence.  and it was haunting, the emotion, the nostalgia for earth, for the kind of sometimes gut-wrenching relationships we create here in our limited perception.  the singular-ness of it, even though it is a shared reality; each experience being a piece of art in itself, from each individual lifetime lived.  this all happened in an instant, as these kinds of experiences do.  it takes much longer to write them up than Have them. and so many times i don't take time out to write them up.

these sorts of moments are somehow linked together, so that knowing one opens up membrances of others.  i think of a covering over all the sky, with holes here and there.  focusing on one hole brings the others into clearer focus, so that i'm then looking at the holes and not the covering.

i suppose soon enough, the covering will dissolve for all of us; and its useful and cool to be here now, focusing on what's experienceable only because there Is a covering over the rest.  the whole thing, earth, relationships with each other, it all seems like one giant piece of art we are doing from a much more expansive place.  like we sent our little selves here like little paintbrushes, sound technicians, video cameras, to create these little nuances of emotion and relation.  i suppose youtube videos are virtual representations, now able to be so easily pieced together from chosen elements.  fine-tuned at will purposefully, to create a certain impression, feeling, or idea.  ha! we are like living youtube vids :)